Christmas

I woke up Christmas morning by myself.

The first time this has happened in my entire life. I’m not just talking about with a significant other, I’m talking no one else in my house, no kids, no friends, no dog... just me. Alone.

As I was waking up, I allowed my mind to sit with this thought for way too long. It didn’t just sit, it started taking up residence. It’s pathetic little feelers started infiltrating not only my mind, but my heart. I started feeling sorry for myself. I started feeling sad... a few tears actually creeped out of the corners of my eyes... then I had the epiphany: I am by myself, but I am not alone. I tossed and turned a bit to let that settle. I am not alone. I have a beautiful family, beautiful old friends, beautiful new friends. Just because I am not with one of them at this very moment, does not mean I am alone. Silly girl - or as I sometimes say to myself, “duh!” or when I really need to get the point across, as was the case this morning, I say, “what the fuck are you thinking!?”

Seriously... I chose to be where I am right now. And, although it has been difficult at times as I have trudged upon my path, I am grateful to be where I am. Quite honestly, there are times when I do get sad, and wonder, what the hell? Why am I having to go through the crap that I am going through? I really can’t figure it out sometimes. But what I do know, is that I am a pretty cool person; Loving, nonjudgmental, caring. I would not be who I am today without having gone through all that I have.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Some may disagree, but believing this helps me get through everyday. I live, I cry, I laugh, I love... I am me and I am glad in that knowledge.

Keep plugging away. I hear it gets easier.
Be kind and gentle with and love yourself.

Peace and love to us all.
=)
Krissy