I Believe In Love

 I believe in the whole “soul mate” kind of love. The person with whom you have this beautiful connection – that you feel as though you have known forever – because you have.

I really do.

Somehow, however, I haven’t been able to find said person. I have definitely tried, had my heart trampled upon, tossed aside, beaten down… yet, I have always managed to pick myself up, dust myself off, cry, grieve and then manage to continue moving ever onward.

I have not given up the hope of finding the man who, I believe, is also searching for me. I have not lost the faith that this man exists.

I do not know if I am just a hopeless romantic, extremely naïve, or just plain stupid, but I feel as though he is real and that, one day, we will find each other and both of us will just know.

I have learned that searching and trying to make this connection happen does not work. Oftentimes, when I have met someone, I have tried to make something happen, something that was not organic from the start. This is the absolute worst thing I have found that I can do, because by the time I have realized that it is not the right man, it seems to be after my heart has been broken a bit more. I sit there, head in hands, sobbing… understanding that it was not right, but wondering why. Why did I think this person would be different? Why did I put so much energy into trying to make this person out to be “the one”, when clearly, he was not. Why does it always hurt so badly?

I trust - perhaps a little too quickly I suppose. But then I think that I should always trust, until someone gives me reason to not trust, right? Isn’t that what I have been learning these last few years…That the people I meet today are not the same people who have hurt, disappointed, betrayed my trust in the past?

But still, when I meet someone and I do feel a special, warm, knowing connection and it is said, and felt, to be mutual… why then am I feeling that I am right back in that place again of doubt and fear that I have, once again, chosen incorrectly? I trusted too soon, I gave too much of myself too quickly and my head falls to my hands once more.

I am tenacious. I am resilient. I am strong. I am a beautiful, kind, loving, caring soul. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are out there waiting, searching for me as well. We will find one another. When that moment comes, we will both know and there will be no fear, there will be no doubt. There will only be pure, true love.

:)

Peace... and ALWAYS Love,

Krissy